There's so much that I feel like I need to GET OUT of my head. Yes, it is making me not sleep, not be able to focus and not be "Donna". But that's not necessarily why I want to get it out. I'm usually a private person, but I feel like I need to share this with everyone. I don't want to ever forget this, or her. And I don't want anyone to not know she existed. Most of you know my sister Joey lost her precious baby Reagan last week, and had a c-section on June 2nd. Normally the first thing I would do is be angry with God. Granted, I am confused and have many questions for him...for some reason, I'm not angry. I was reading a mothers blog about losing her son to stillbirth at 40 weeks gestation and what she said hit me hard. She said something to the effect of it wasn't the worst day of her life because she got to hold her baby boy for the first time and meet him. That's kind of how I feel. Don't get me wrong, I'm immensely sad and wish so many things about her (but that's another post). I hurt for my sister Joey and my brother in law Chris, who are being incredibly strong and brave. I hurt for everyone that hurts and wish I could take their pain away and carry it myself so they didn't have to. But, I'm eternally grateful that I got to meet Reagan. I got to spend 3 hours with her. I got to hold her, touch her beautiful face, feel the bottom of her feet that felt softer than velvet, and take pictures of her that will last a lifetime. I never got to see her alive, but I will never forget her and the way she has impacted our family. Thank you, Reagan. One day I will get to see you again. I will get to hug you and tell you all the things that you heard up in Heaven that I didn't get to tell you face to face. That's what I hold on to and can't wait for.
"Some people only dream of Angels...but I got to hold one in my arms".