Update

I suck at updating this...but here goes. I'm hoping 2010 is a better year and am trying to let myself believe that maybe God is still on my side. I rang the new year in with a new position at work, sober and full of doubts. My new position (3rd...but who is counting? lol) is kind of hard...but rewarding. It's physically and emotionally exhausting, but someone has to do it. Honestly, ever since I wanted to get into the heath care field I always said I will NEVER be a CNA. CNA's are ass wipers, do bitch work and it's gross. But after I got hired almost 1.5 years ago, my perspective changed. These people are lonely, dependent, and they are PEOPLE.....they were once my age, once had a life, once could do everything for themselves. Now they need someone to help them and I am honored that I can do that for them. It might not be the most glamorous job...but when they hug me and tell me they love me...I know I'm doing the right thing and that this is the path that God lead me down for a reason. This isn't a long-term life plan of mine, but for the meantime I will do it and do it the best that I can. Which leads me to talk about school. On the 28th I take the entrance exam for nursing school...ahhh. I really hope I do good b/c I don't know how I will accept another letdown. So, maybe whisper a few prayers for me? I NEED to get in. Goodnight!

Always & Forever

I try and write about you
And nothing is ever good enough
I cry tears of so much sadness
And the pain never seems to let up

I think about you everyday
And remember feeling your warmth
I touched your velvety feet
And prayed to feel your un-beating heart

I have dreams where you’re alive
You’re beautiful and there are no goodbyes
I wake up feeling so happy
Then realize it’s all a cruel lie

I try to rationalize the situation
And am always left with more pain
I’m not sure why God did this
No reason ever sounds sane

And when people say everything happens for a reason
I get so much anger in my heart
I can’t think of one reason
Why God would keep us apart

But I know one day I will see you again
And this time it will be all smiles
I’ll get to know who you are
And the wait will be worthwhile

Donna Finch
12/18/09