Sunday, March 15, 2009

Time (Continued)

I was going through some old poems on my lap top tonight and found some that reflected a lot of relevance to my last post. I rarely share poems that aren't you should feel special. I've definitely realized that looking back hurts. I never realized the depth of some of the pain that I have felt in the past...I almost want to go back in time and shake the old me and tell myself that it's going to be alright...


Putting myself in situations
Never learning from the past
Feeding my core with lies and toxins
Never letting the happiness last

These are the motions I go through
Coming at me like waves
They crash down hard on me
Making my chest heavy and concaved

The weight is a constant burden
And a reminder of all my mistakes
As the load gets heavier
I wonder how much more I can take

Another blurry night
Another morning filled with doubt
I have built this self-perpetuating hell
And I want to get out

But I don’t have the tools
And the work is so hard
It’s easier to take the easy way out
Rather than move forward

So the cycle will repeat
And time will stand still
In living in the past
I will live a life
Not lived at all



The past is gone
but the memories stick
Im no longer the same person
Yet I revert to the old me quick

I go back to that time
when I was vulnerable and lost
with the eyes of a child
looking for acceptance at any cost

numbing any pain
with solitude and false love
never getting to the problem
always acting tough

putting up the barriers
knocking down myself
when the truth isn’t even enough
nothing is going to help

the present is hard
the past hurts
the future seems uncertain
And I don’t know which one is worse



Paranoia runs ramped
Out into the streets
Where you gonna run to
When everyone leaves

The lights are off
But everybody’s home
Disengaged from reality
You’re all alone

The box gets smaller
You can no longer move
The links are severed
What else is there to lose?

You’re in a place so dark
That you forget about light
Everything is closed in
You’ve lost your sight

So caught up in the past
You’re forever ashamed
So caught up in the future
You’ll never change



Never enough to suffice
No satisfaction to hold
Threw it all away
So detached, angry and cold

The burden burns the wounds
All packed with bitterness and lies
You crack me with your addiction
So presumptuous and alive

The temptation of the easy road
Repeats in my weak mind
Old habits never die
Positives and negatives eternally bind

The lesson never learned
The stove never too hot
The hole never deep enough
The times remembered not

Rewind to do it again
Better than the time before
Fall back into place where you were yesterday
What are you waiting for

Donna 6/23/05

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