Not much to say...just figured it was useless to have a blog if I don't "write" in it lol. Life has been pretty boring lately. A lot of wasted time on facebook, watching TV and too much time left over devoted to thinking. Thinking is overrated. Hopefully tonight will be a nice change of scenary...

"Gratitude on a daily basis means we express appreciation for what we have now without qualification for what we had in the past or desire in the future."-- Bishop Robert D. Hales

Even though I complain and don't always seem grateful...I am...

Stupid, Stupid, STUPID...

I can't really disclose everything in here b/c the world doesn't need to know my personal woes. For those of you that are around me a lot...you probably will know what I'm talking about. Just not the entirety of it. I'm disappointed/not happy with the outcome of something I did recently and am really kicking myself in the ass about it. I know if I didn't do it, I would be just as unhappy...so really...it's a double-edged sword. Also, it was an impulse and I should have thought about it longer.

Onto happier things...

I got to work today and they had a "schedule" made up for me. WTH? My hours got cut and I don't know what I'm going to do. I was already in the process of looking for a second job...but now I really need one. Really. If I told you how much money I owe right now...you wouldn't believe me. I'm contemplating taking the CNA course over the summer. At least I could make a little more money and have reliable hours. But I know I wouldn't be happy. Ugh. What to do...what to do?

Onto happier things...for real this time...

I'll be getting a baby niece some time in late June/early July...which is exciting. I can't wait to spoil her and love her! I just hope Aidan doesn't get jealous/resentful.

In the spirit of it being 3/16...

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
– John 3:16

And let us pray that tomorrow is better than today...

Time (Continued)

I was going through some old poems on my lap top tonight and found some that reflected a lot of relevance to my last post. I rarely share poems that aren't ambiguous...so you should feel special. I've definitely realized that looking back hurts. I never realized the depth of some of the pain that I have felt in the past...I almost want to go back in time and shake the old me and tell myself that it's going to be alright...



Stuck


Putting myself in situations
Never learning from the past
Feeding my core with lies and toxins
Never letting the happiness last

These are the motions I go through
Coming at me like waves
They crash down hard on me
Making my chest heavy and concaved

The weight is a constant burden
And a reminder of all my mistakes
As the load gets heavier
I wonder how much more I can take

Another blurry night
Another morning filled with doubt
I have built this self-perpetuating hell
And I want to get out

But I don’t have the tools
And the work is so hard
It’s easier to take the easy way out
Rather than move forward

So the cycle will repeat
And time will stand still
In living in the past
I will live a life
Not lived at all

Donna
11/23/08



Untitled

The past is gone
but the memories stick
Im no longer the same person
Yet I revert to the old me quick

I go back to that time
when I was vulnerable and lost
with the eyes of a child
looking for acceptance at any cost

numbing any pain
with solitude and false love
never getting to the problem
always acting tough

putting up the barriers
knocking down myself
when the truth isn’t even enough
nothing is going to help

the present is hard
the past hurts
the future seems uncertain
And I don’t know which one is worse

11/2/06



Trapped

Paranoia runs ramped
Out into the streets
Where you gonna run to
When everyone leaves

The lights are off
But everybody’s home
Disengaged from reality
You’re all alone

The box gets smaller
You can no longer move
The links are severed
What else is there to lose?

You’re in a place so dark
That you forget about light
Everything is closed in
You’ve lost your sight

So caught up in the past
You’re forever ashamed
So caught up in the future
You’ll never change

Donna
6/2/05



Wash.Rinse.Repeat.

Never enough to suffice
No satisfaction to hold
Threw it all away
So detached, angry and cold

The burden burns the wounds
All packed with bitterness and lies
You crack me with your addiction
So presumptuous and alive

The temptation of the easy road
Repeats in my weak mind
Old habits never die
Positives and negatives eternally bind

The lesson never learned
The stove never too hot
The hole never deep enough
The times remembered not

Rewind to do it again
Better than the time before
Fall back into place where you were yesterday
What are you waiting for

Donna 6/23/05

...Time...

The Past, present, and future have been weighing on my shoulders a lot lately. Have I made the right choices in the past few months? If not, can I change things? Would that even make things different/better? Am I wasting my time thinking about things that probably don't matter as much as they seem to right now? I have so many questions...yet no solid answers. All I can do is search for the truth, something that feels tangible, something that holds value, integrity and self assurance...until then...I'm lost.




"Since time is the one immaterial object which we cannot influence--neither speed up nor slow down, add to nor diminish--it is an imponderably valuable gift.”
---Maya Angelou

“Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going to fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”
---Eddie Cantor

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. "
---Henry Van Dyke

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
---Steve Jobs

“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future”

“Time heals what reason cannot”
---Seneca

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
---Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"Events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves they find their own order the continuous thread of revelation."
---Eudora Welty

"Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems -- but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems incredible."
---Salman Rushdie

"It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up."
---J.K. Rowling

"The time you think you're missing, misses you too."
---Ymber Delecto

"An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth."
---Bonnie Friedman

"If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves. "
---Maria Edgeworth

"Regret for wasted time is more wasted time. "
---Mason Cooley

"Never let yesterday use up today."
--- Richard H. Nelson